When we decide we want to purchase something, we usually know exactly what we want, right? We know what the requirements or "have-to-haves" are for the item(s); for example, some of us are health nuts and we read food labels to make sure that the nutritional requirements have been met.
Then, there are the "nice-to-haves", which are not quite on the necessity list, but they would be bonuses.
Finally, when we shop for what we want, there are items/ingredients that are absolute repellants, and would never make it into the cart!
So, let's use a shopping cart list for relationships. For some reason, sometimes we don't put as much thought into the shopping cart list for our relationships. When we don't, we end up with a lot of repellants and ingredients that belong in the trash bin.
Now, consider how we can use the Shopping Cart concept with regards to relationships. Ask yourself (without thinking about your current partner), what your ideal partner would be like? What are the primary traits/personality characteristics of the people in your inner circle? What are your values? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Ten years? What makes you happy? What are you passionate about? All of these things would be part of your Shopping Cart. These are essentials. Here are some Shopping Cart items that people have included over the years:
● healthy/good physical shape
Next, think about more superficial things. These are not so important but would be wonderful additions. Here are some examples of Wish List items that people have included:
● physically attractive
● taller than me
● at least a 6-figure income
● likes to travel
The last list is the Trash Bin. These are things that are deal-breakers, so to speak...things that have not worked in the past, or just things that you already know are not ok with you. Some examples are:
● inability to communicate
● no pride in appearance
Generally, people know what’s in their shopping carts and tend to get caught up in some of the more superficial things. We are blinded by the sparkle of beauty, or money, or other trendy concepts. When this happens, we may overlook the qualities that are in the trash bin, and we settle for partners that do not meet our expectations.
No one is perfect, but we can make better choices in relationships if we put more thought into it and believe that we deserve to be happy.
What are your requirements, your must-haves? Are they different for casual relationships and long-term relationships?
What are the nice-to-haves, or the wish list-type qualities you want in a person?
And finally, what are your dealbreakers?