When we decide we want to purchase something, we usually know exactly what we want, right? We know what the requirements or "have-to-haves" are for the item(s); for example, some of us are health nuts and we read food labels to make sure that the nutritional requirements have been met.
Then, there are the "nice-to-haves", which are not quite on the necessity list, but they would be bonuses.
Finally, when we shop for what we want, there are items/ingredients that are absolute repellants, and would never make it into the cart!
So, let's use a shopping cart list for relationships. For some reason, sometimes we don't put as much thought into the shopping cart list for our relationships. When we don't, we end up with a lot of repellants and ingredients that belong in the trash bin.
Now, consider how we can use the Shopping Cart concept with regards to relationships. Ask yourself (without thinking about your current partner), what your ideal partner would be like? What are the primary traits/personality characteristics of the people in your inner circle? What are your values? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Ten years? What makes you happy? What are you passionate about? All of these things would be part of your Shopping Cart. These are essentials. Here are some Shopping Cart items that people have included over the years:
● intellect
● healthy/good physical shape
● independence
● family-oriented
● loyalty
● career
● motivated
● affectionate
● open-minded
Next, think about more superficial things. These are not so important but would be wonderful additions. Here are some examples of Wish List items that people have included:
● physically attractive
● taller than me
● at least a 6-figure income
● likes to travel
● artistic
● cultured
The last list is the Trash Bin. These are things that are deal-breakers, so to speak...things that have not worked in the past, or just things that you already know are not ok with you. Some examples are:
● insecure
● jealous
● untruthful
● inability to communicate
● disrespectful
● no pride in appearance
Generally, people know what’s in their shopping carts and tend to get caught up in some of the more superficial things. We are blinded by the sparkle of beauty, or money, or other trendy concepts. When this happens, we may overlook the qualities that are in the trash bin, and we settle for partners that do not meet our expectations.
No one is perfect, but we can make better choices in relationships if we put more thought into it and believe that we deserve to be happy.
What are your requirements, your must-haves? Are they different for casual relationships and long-term relationships?
What are the nice-to-haves, or the wish list-type qualities you want in a person?
And finally, what are your dealbreakers?
I've noticed that since many people have a fear of being alone, they settle for trash bin items over and over again. Notice that I said "over and over again", because the relationships are not happy relationships no matter how many times people jump from relationship to relationship. Trash is trash regardless of the relationship. And you know yourself better than anyone else. You know what's going to make you happy and what you need for personal growth.
I believe that I am worth having the shopping cart items. It doesn't mean that I expect perfection from someone else. I do expect for the other person to also have a sense of self-worth, and get what they want too. Both parties should pair well like puzzle pieces. There should be equality and equitably in the relationship.
Looking at your relationships the same way we look at our shopping cart is a good way from saving yourself from surprise or heartbreak. We all have standards whether we like to admit it or not, so why waste your time with someone who falls into your deal breaker (trash bin) catagory and spend more time with someone who fits perfectly into your shopping cart!