Mar 31, 2017

Rethinking infidelity: a talk for anyone who has ever loved


I really enjoyed this TED Talk presented by Esther Perel, a relationship therapist who examined why people cheat and how infidelity threatens our emotional security. She explores what we often do not see...both sides of it, and the expressions of loss and longing. This presentation is a must watch for therapists who work with couples, and anyone who has experienced infidelity (as the person who cheated or the person who was cheated on).


I believe that Ms. Perel did an excellent job of creating a relationship framework, especially for such an uncomfortable topic. The was the best "neutral"explanation I have ever heard given by a professional, and I have recommended this presentation for dozens of couples with positive feedback.

New Posts
  • On paper, bachelor parties look pretty simple – a bunch of dudes having a great time while celebrating their best friend’s impending farewell to bachelor life. What most guys fail to understand is that the thing we’ve described is just a starting point to an awesome experience. If you want to make the whole thing truly memorable for the groom, you have to work way harder than hitting the nearest pub and downing a couple of shots of tequila. What you are going to do will ultimately depend on your friends’ interests but we’ll give you a couple of good ideas to get you started. Go extreme Is there any better way to kick off the weekend than to allow your pack to get a boost of adrenaline that will keep them high through all the misdeeds you have intended? If your answer is no, why wouldn’t you sign up your friends for some adrenaline-filled extreme activity like skydiving, bungee jumping or going down a zip line? Try one of these and you will not only pump yourself up for the party but also rekindle the sense of camaraderie you might have lost somewhere along the way. Take the warpath We are of course talking about a paintball. In its essence, this activity is very similar to any of the extreme activities we have mentioned above – you will get your rush of adrenaline and a bunch of fond memories you will like to revisit in years to come. But, paintball has one unique perk here – an insane amount of stress release which is absolutely necessary for a good party. And you also get the opportunity to sort out the issues with the ladies from the “Team Bachelorette.” Have a themed party If your friend has some specific interest he’s very passionate about, throwing a themed party will make him ecstatic. It’s also a great opportunity for tons of fun and in-jokes for the rest of the company. For instance, if the groom is a passionate Trekkie, you can buy a couple of uniforms, get a good bloodwine supplement, watch a couple of movies from the series and finally, hit some themed bar or convention. The angry Klingon slur is highly prescribed. Go abroad Yeah, there is no better way to let off some steam than to travel abroad and take a glimpse at the world. Take, for instance, Australia, the land that has so much to offer you'll never run out of interesting things to do even if you stay there for a month. Stunning nature? Check. Iconic landmarks? Check. Exciting nightlife? Oh yeah. Having a once-in-a-lifetime bucks night in Sydney and not visiting one the famous Gentlemen's Clubs is just not the same. Remember, what happens in Australia stays in Australia. Take a trip down the memory lane If you and your friends have met in college or simply come from different places, here’s a great idea – why wouldn’t you contact some of the groom’s hometown friends, make a list of the iconic events and places from his wild youth and take him on a trip down the sweet memory lane? You’ll get the opportunity to get to know him much better, visit some of the places he holds dear and enjoy the bromance on a scale that exists only in movies. Go on a road trip The best thing about this idea is that it requires no planning whatsoever. On the contrary, the more unpredictable it is, the better. You will only need to find some random destination on the map and see what the fortune has in store for you. The opportunities for fun are endless. Hanging out with locals, hitting some of the roadside pubs, visiting roadside attractions… As long as your spirits are high and you are open for new things, every mile you pass will be a legendary adventure. Run to the hills Finally, if all these things sound too exhausting for you, you can simply pack camping gear , bring all the food and drink you can consume, and simply pay a visit to Mother Nature. Being far from the crowd doesn't mean you'll miss any of the fun. The fact that you are miles away from everyone only implies you can let yourself loose and party like it’s the 80s. An opportunity to show your manly survival skills is not to be underestimated, either. We hope these few ideas will help you to throw your friend the best bachelor party he can imagine. If you are in doubt about which option to choose, try mixing two or more of them and creating something truly fun. Bachelor parties are not something that happens every day. It is your duty as a good friend to make it as memorable as possible.
  • Marriage is, in its essence, a beautiful idea. Two people ready to share their lives, good times and the bad, perhaps raise a family as well and all that it entails. In most cases it is actually two people who are in love, know each other well, both emotionally and sexually. Unfortunately, it is only human to lose that spark that kept the passion going after a certain amount of time, especially when the inescapably mundane life situations drop the romantic veneer between the spouses. It happens to most, if not all, couples and it is perfectly natural – however, the process can be reversed, with a little bit of effort and will . Get it while it’s hot The one thing about sex is that it truly is about the moment. It is very easy to postpone the moment because you’re used to things being perfect – when you’re freshly showered, when you’re sleepy nor tired, when you’re not hungry or just eaten – however, the chances for this diminish as the marriage settles down into its rut. So don’t ignore it – the moment you feel the urge kick in, go for it, there’s no time like the present. It is a sad truth that if you do put it off, the chances for actually having sex diminish. I mean, the new season of Your Favorite Show has just come out, right? Get kinky Hey, we don’t judge here – no kinkshaming! Of course, you have to be sure that you are both into things before actually trying them out and that does require talking about your emotions openly. I mean, if anyone’s going to find out about your obsession with feet or love for the fur, who better than the person you are supposed to be spending the rest of your life with. The best part is that this particular rabbit hole tends to go quite deep – there are entire scenes dedicated to the various kinks out there. And if there’s anything sex life can always have more of – it’s the feeling of newness. Get sexty Hey, it’s 2019, if you haven’t been sexting in a while, you’re way behind the times. Yeah, we know you see each other every day, but you really should not be missing out on the virtual foreplay! Especially today, when the number of social network is literally growing on a daily basis. There are so many ways to keep in touch, including using video and photos only, that there is very little you can say in your defense if you are not using this very practical way to get things going even when you are at a distance. Keep it interesting, a sneak preview you Snapchat from the bathroom at work is a welcome bonus! Get some quality toys Although there might be some people out there who would suggest that the toys are exactly what removes sex from marriages the world round, we would beg to differ. Of course, the popular culture loves to connect sex toys with being a loner or in a marriage where one side is not “successful” in satisfying the urges of the other one. However, just like all other things, it only depends on the point of view. The moment you shed the puritanical and introduce the idea of toys in your sex life, you might realize that this is exactly the kind of fun you have been yearning for. Although there are all kinds of anatomically more or less correct shapes and sizes out there, one thing you should keep in mind is to always get the quality stuff . Otherwise you might end up disappointed, with a broken toy. Get creative Remember when there was less “standard” and more “oh” in your relationship? Don’t let nothing stop you from going back to the romantic, sexy, creative version of yourself from before the rut decided to set in. Take time off and run away from the city for a weekend. Prepare a romantic dinner for your spouse. Clean up, dress up and go for a night on town. Hell, if you’re both up for something like that, include a third person or a Mayfair escort in the equation. Whatever you do, make sure it reminds both of you of just how wildly seductive you can be. After all, that was what drew you together in the first place.
  • Going on a first date is always an exciting thing. You’re meeting someone for the first time in a romantic setting and you’re looking forward to getting to know them. Nerves are completely normal and so is spending way too much time in front of the mirror getting ready. Nobody can tell you what the perfect thing to wear on a first date is, because all of our styles are so specific and unique. However, there is quite a bit to say about what not to wear and fashion faux pas to avoid for a first date. Don’t show too much We all want to show our sexy side, and revealing clothing is certainly an easy way to do that. However, it’s not the best way to do it. Wearing something that shows a lot of skin in a lot of places might just make you look like you’re trying too hard or that you don’t really know how to dress your body. In the worst case, it might look like you’re looking for… something specific from that date, instead of genuinely getting to know the other person. Make sure you follow the either/or rule: Show either your legs or your cleavage – and remember that revealing doesn’t just mean skin , it means super-tight clothing as well! Stay true to yourself Imagine you go on a date with someone and they look and dress a certain way. You hit it off and meet a few more times. After the fifth date, they show up looking completely differently: they have a mohawk and wear chains on their jeans. You might like this look and you might not, but that’s not the impression you had of them on the first date. If you don’t show up true to your style, you’ll be creating an impression that your style is something different, and you’ll feel the pressure of either looking like that every time you see them, or having to “come out” with your true style. Loose strings Nobody is saying you need to spend a thousand bucks on a new outfit to impress your date. However, you don’t want to show up in an outfit that looks really cheap. Something like a Realisation Par dress won’t set you back a lot, but it will look very much put together and high-quality. Thicker fabrics are always a safe bet, but thinner ones can also look amazing, if you choose ones that aren’t overly stretchy or see-through. Again, you don’t need to shop for something new to wear – a good pair of jeans and a dressy top are all you need to look put together. Careful with shoes There are two main things you want to worry about when it comes to shoes: height and comfort. In the era of online dating, a first date can often be the first time you’re meeting a person IRL, so you might not know exactly what they look like. Even if the traditional height standards aren’t something you concern yourself with, keep in mind that your date might not feel all that great if you wear heels that get you to tower over them. Secondly, if your plan is anything but sitting down for a meal, you want to be in something comfortable. Whether it’s just a quick walk around the park after a movie, you want to be able to walk without thinking about every step you’re making. Dress for the setting Make sure you know in advance what the date is going to be, because showing up over- or under-dressed can make you feel uncomfortable and awkward, which can ruin the mood. So to ensure this doesn’t happen to you, make sure you know what you want to wear and dress appropriately. Don’t think you’re going to impress your date by getting dolled up in heels and a dress, when you’re just going for a casual walk in the park. Show that you know fashion well enough by looking good no matter how dressed up or down you are. So, take your time, stress a bit less and be confident that no matter what you wear, your personality will be the thing that shines and shows who you are. And most importantly – wear something you feel good in, no matter what others say about how it looks.
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