I've re-read the book by Dr. Barbara Keesling, entitled The Good Girl's Guide to Bad Girl Sex. If you haven't had a chance to read it, it is a must-read. Add it to your list, ladies.
Dr. Keesling starts off talking about what a lot of us have experienced as young women...the shame, guilt, and disgust associated with sexuality. I remember all of that growing up in a very religious family, mostly the shame and disgust part. We were taught to ignore and suppress sexual feelings because they were "wrong".
I can honestly say that by the time I finished college (the first time), I had had some sexual experiences, but I was confused about what was the right things to do. None of the experiences were pleasurable. I didn't have anyone to talk to about anything of a sexual nature, however, in college, I had at least started learning about sexuality from an academic perspective. Although that was helpful, I still felt the same shame, disgust, and confusion.
It wasn't until I was older (after graduate school) that I really came out of my shell. I met people from many cultures, sexual orientations, and backgrounds. I started to explore and ask questions. I did more research; I attended classes/workshops; I visited sexuality establishments; I bought toys, lubes, books, and other products; I watched porn; I did a lot of things that were outside of my comfort zone at the time.
A few years after I got into private practice as a therapist, I discovered that clients liked to engage with a therapist who was confident, sophisticated, and sexy...but still professional. I learned how to have that inner sexiness and confidence, that translated into someone that people wanted to talk to. I dressed the part and walked the walk. In fact, my 4-5 inch heels became my trademark in the office. And although I thought I had a calm "counselor's voice", I was told that I had a sexy, bedroom voice! That wasn't part of the plan, but oh well, it just added to the bad girl in me, knowing that's what people thought!
Outside of the professional arena, I'm still confident and assertive. I know what I want and I ask for it...inside the bedroom too. Do I always dress up in 4-5 inch heels and wear sexy lingerie? Absolutely not, but I can when I get the urge. Sometimes I just want to be in my workout clothes and running shoes as I grocery shop or sweep the garage. Sometimes after a long hot bath, I want to snuggle up in my fluffy PJ's and comforter with a cup of tea (or glass of chocolate wine).
I said good-bye to the Good Girl a long time ago. The Bad Girl is here to stay and she's even more enthusiastic about the future!